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Alcoholism

by LauraSue
(Ohio)




My mother is a stage 4 and lives in an apt above my sisters garage. She has fallen down stairs late at night, broke her jaw, dislocated her shoulder and needed stitches and instead of calling a Life Squad they put her back in bed.

I have spoken to them about enabling and get nothing but grief. I have directly confronted my mother the way they teach you in program but only received 4 letter words. By now she can not even drive so I know how is she getting the alcohol?

Did a failed intervention with my dad my family was involved. So I have a good understanding of program. Been in program Al-Anon member and couseling for 30 years.

Read every book available.

Not sure where to go next?




Comments for
Alcoholism

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Addiction
by: LauraSue

This weekend I went to a family funeral. Even though I know all program has to say it still was very difficult.

The 4 people left in this mess who enable or are alcoholics themselves... they left the room when my husband and I walked in. It is difficult being shunned even knowing how sick they are.

Like because I chose program and counseling it was me that was the problem. I know that I am because I am the truth of what is going on.

Though still difficult.
alcoholism Plead
by: LauraSue

I have pleaded with my family members to confront my mothers alcoholism and have achieved no success. Even mailing information to them, but they don't want to hear it.
Alcoholism
by: LauraSue

I sent the following letter to my sister. In response I received a Christmas card that said absolutely nothing regarding our mother.

The letter is as follows:

I hope the holidays find you well. I am writing you today because of my concerns for mom?s drinking.

Mom is in the final stage of alcoholism and I am hoping that you and other family members could speak with her regarding treatment and possible recovery.

I personally have broached the subject many times to mom with out any success. Her response was a ridden flood of verbal abuse. I have also spoken to Ann regarding this, she admitted mom?s alcoholism but her understanding of the issue left her with nothing more than tears and anger.

Tears and anger are not a solution to family dysfunction. As I stated to Ann if the family gets help or an intervention for mom would occur, I would be the first person to be active in any program event.

It is disheartening to me that mom will die through a self abusive lifestyle while everyone turns a blind eye and refuses to confront her alcoholism. This is exactly what we were told would happen more than 30 years ago at the intervention with dad.

The counselor at the intervention stated that we needed family counseling or the alcoholism would continue throughout our family and don?t think it will stop here. You being a domestic relations judge and as active member of the Alcohol & Drug Addiction Services (ADAS) Board, are more aware of this than most. You see it everyday in you occupation. I am hoping you will be able to step up and use the tools at your disposal for assistance on mom?s alcoholism.


Again as I stated I would be the first one to attend any family counseling, intervention or any other program regarding this issue.


Thank You for your assistance but I think I know the answer, already.

Persevere
by: Ned Wicker

Laura Sue,

I see now just how difficult your path has been and I applaud you for holding your ground and continuing the fight. It's a shame that "her honor" cannot see her own family dynamics, but as you said that would probably require a look look at one's self.

There is a lot of enabling going on, as one family member can justify his/her behavior, or pass off the blame to another individual. And, this has been going on for a long time.

You can try to do another intervention, that is if you can get the entire family on the same page. So often people are not willing to do anything at all until it's too late. Keep trying.

If your mom would just decide for herself that she needs help, that would be ideal. But that isn't likely. Somebody in the family, in addition to you, has to draw a line in the sand and hold their ground.
Alcoholism
by: LauraSue

The Intervention failed because my dad was angry and no one in the family followed the instructions stating hold strong to your requirements to get help or you can't come home and for our family to go to counseling.

My mother showed up 2x's with my then 14 year older brother and dropped out. None of my other siblings showed for the counseling. I stayed for 4 years. Since my dad has passed away and my one brother died in a car accident I sure he was on drugs and alcohol.

I believe if they focus on my mothers drinking they would have to look at theirs. What makes this worst is my sister is a judge for Domestic Relations and sits on a Board for Alcohol and Drug Abuse and is worried more about her career than her mother.

It is one dysfunctional mess.
Bad Situation
by: Ned Wicker

It sounds like you have done your homework and you have a lot of experience trying to help your mother.

Why did the intervention fail? Was it because the other members of your family did not have the courage and fortitude to stand up and follow through?

I realize your mother isn't going to go skipping off to treatment, but I think we both know the long term outcome of this situation is not good.

This might be radical, but maybe the only way you are going to get your mother into treatment is to either have her arrested, or committed.

Alcoholism is an insane disease because why would an otherwise rational and clear-thinking individual be bent on committing suicide on the installment plan? The disease robs people of even the simplest levels of reason.

It?s almost like you have to create a situation in which there are no other options for your mother, or for your family, to consider. It also sounds like you?ve already been on the receiving end of enough abuse, so if you really forced the issue I doubt if would be any worse.

You want to help and I realize you feel helpless. As long as your family is not completely on your side and all in, it?s going to be tough getting your mother the help she needs.

Keep trying.

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