How can I be supportive and forgiving when I am so hurt?

by Carrie
(Oregon)

Dear Joe,

My daughter, who is 18, has had drug and alcohol problems off and on for the past four years, trying to deal with being molested and tensions in our marriage. This fall she did heavy drugs and narcotics and was selling them at college. She came home after her first semester of college, in debt, flunking the majority of her classes, and unable to continue her education until she repays in full.

We are unable to afford paying and believe it’s a good life lesson for her to be held accountable for this debt. She is living with her grandmother now after much tension at home.

How can I trust and/or forgive her when she doesn’t feel sorry for hurting us after detox? She is frustrated that we seem to have cut her off. She wants support and credit for “supposedly” staying clean and working although she has refused any more treatment or support groups.

There is very little communication between us since she won’t respond to any of our texts or phone calls from my husband or me. The only time she does reply is when she wants something from the house.

I feel rejected, betrayed, and distrustful with the way she treats her brother. She has been physically as well as verbally abusive with him the last fours years. It is tearing me up for our family to be like this.

All I do is pray and keep my distance, guarding my son and myself. How can I be supportive and forgiving when I am so hurt?