I need some help...

by Daniel
(Philadelphia, PA, USA)

I am 53 years old and have been sober for 24 years. However, I stopped going to meetings and kept minimal contact with support system. For the last ten years I would suspect, I have been living out of control and my life now is unmanageable.

I have not taken a drink or a drug which seems like the easy part. What scares me is that I am having thoughts of suicide as my only option left. At present, I am not working and unable to collect unemployment. My finances are such that they are truly in shambles. I have a very poor credit report and just received a judgment for non-payment of a debt.

I seem to be paralyzed by these events as they occur. I am so numb that I do not react or respond and just take whatever notice they provide. I cringe each day with the arrival of the mail thinking it will be another notice.

I cannot afford car insurance and cannot afford to make payments on my car. I have been driving without insurance for over a month now. My car payment is now 3 months behind.


I should mention, that I had a heart attack last November and I cannot affor the medications because I do not have insurance nor employment to pay for them.

I am also living with AIDS.

Frankly, I was reckless financially because I was thinking I would not live to see 54 and yet I am approaching that age in the next few weeks. The other part of this is that I had planned to runaway from the finances to live and work in the UK.

Well, I was not permitted entry and so here I am, back in the USA and flat broke. Where can I turn for help???