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More Carrot, Less StickMore Carrot, Less Stick By Ned Wicker I’m not much of a fan of daytime television, and it’s not often that I even pay much attention to it, but recently I happened to catch a Dr. Phil show about alcoholism and intervention. The show grabbed me because there was Oprah’s favorite shrink railing away on a young man, while the man’s wife watched. I suppose it was considered “good television” and it certainly made Phil appear to be authoritative and dominating, but it left me nauseous. Here’s a guy willing to go on national television, admit he has a problem and willing to go into treatment, but Phil seemed to be having a lot of fun treating him like excrement. With all the sensitivity of the most guttural Jerry Springer show, I suppose the audience loved it. Interventions can take a variety of forms. The traditional family and friend gathering, in which all parties get to read a statement to the alcoholic, is one of the more familiar models. Sometimes the intervention, regardless of form, can be contentious and downright hostile. After all, the alcoholic is not the one with the problem, it’s everybody else… right. But in those tension-filled moments of confrontation, there is compassion and love. Call it tough love, call it putting your foot down, but it’s intended for the benefit of the alcoholic. It’s not about beating up the drunk. It’s about offering hope, like the carrot at the end of a stick, only the person gets to grab the carrot. The fellow on this show had a long history of alcohol abuse. His life was out of control and he was powerless over his alcoholism. The facts were right there and he seemed to acknowledge them. Treatment isn’t always voluntary, as those who have tried either successfully or unsuccessfully to get a loved one to move in that direction can attest. In so many cases the alcoholic may not see the point, may not want help and may not even be in a position to make an intelligent decision about it, but where is the need for verbal abuse? Other than for television drama, the need isn’t apparent. It’s difficult to love and unlovable. If you’re married to an alcoholic, you try to remember the person you married. You try to see the positive and look past the personality alcoholism has created. With the help and support of a trained professional, your love for your husband or wife takes a new form for the purpose of getting them into treatment. You have to be willing to say “no” and set boundaries, but it’s for them as much as it is for you and your survival. It’s a process that hopefully results in the alcoholic seeing the benefits, the carrot. Put it another way. If I am in a hopeless and powerless state, and I’ve been there for a while, go ahead and rail away at me. I can’t feel it anymore. What else can you do to me when I’m in the bottom of the pit? You can use the stick, but to what purpose? The carrot is by far more powerful, as the carrot represents hope. Jesus of Nazareth became savior to over a billion people, not by beating them with the stick, but by giving them the carrot and showing them the way out. Regardless of a person’s state in life, whether in the depths of alcoholism and all the destruction that it brings, or healthy and happy, love and forgiveness will trump ridicule and punishment. It’s all too easy to criticize, condemn and beat the alcoholic with the stick. Anybody can do that. But getting them to see the carrot and reach for it is by far the more difficult, but more effective approach. Ned Wicker is Addictions Chaplain at Waukesha Memorial Hospital Lawrence Center
For more on Alcoholism Rehab click for Intervention HOW TO USE THIS SITE:This site contains five MAIN pages that EVERYONE should read: RECOVERY… Yourself... Your Family... Your Friends... Your Community... The rest of the pages are there for your reference to explain important topics in more detail.
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